Once you become a parent, you tend to see the world in a whole new light—and certain words that used to so aptly describe your kid-free life suddenly take on a completely different meaning. Here, we’ve rounded up 20 common phrases and how their definitions quickly change with the arrival of a child.
Weekend Before kids: Sleeping in until noon and then going for brunch with friends After kids: Waking up at the crack of dawn and then coaxing your kids to put on their shoes so you can go to the zoo
Blowout Before kids: A luxurious hair treatment at the salon After kids: A scary mess of epic proportions waiting for you in baby’s dirty diaper (and up his back, down his legs and all over the car seat)
Eating Out Before kids: Enjoying a three-course gourmet meal at the latest restaurant du jour After kids: Trying to scarf your food down before your kids get tired of coloring in the kiddie menu and start acting up
Go for a Stroll Before kids: Take a romantic walk with your partner After kids: Push the stroller up and down the block in hopes baby will fall asleep
5 a.m. Before kids: A time of day you’re not at all acquainted with After kids: The time your kids wake up every. darn. day.
Bath Time Before kids: Taking a relaxing soak with candles and a glass of wine After kids: Getting drenched as you try to wash your slippery, splashing child
Shushing Before kids: What you occasionally do to chatty people at the movie theater After kids: Your constant soundtrack for life with baby
Tired Before kids: When you’re ready for bed after a long day After kids: When you start hallucinating after not sleeping for three days straight Related Video
Lounging by the Pool Before kids: Sunbathing with your earbuds in and a cocktail in hand After kids: Frantically scanning the pool every 20 seconds to keep track of your kids
Elmo Before kids: Some strange, furry creature on Sesame Street After kids: A total godsend for all toddler negotiations
Shaving your legs Before kids: A regular self-care necessity After kids: A luxury you get to enjoy once every blue moon
Gross Before kids: A dirty tissue After kids: Having dealt with all manner of bodily fluids, you don’t even want to know what qualifies as gross nowadays
Joggers Before kids: Cute athleisure pants After kids: Jogging strollers—aka the only way you get some exercise in these days
Coffee Before kids: Your morning drink After kids: Your lifeblood
Nap Before kids: A chance to doze during the afternoon After kids: A hard-fought hour to yourself while your child mercifully sleeps
Covers Before kids: Cozy blankets you snuggle up with After kids: Things that protect surfaces from baby—the crib mattress, changing pad, nursing pillow, stove knobs (the list goes on)
All-nighter Before kids: A raging party that lasted ‘til dawn After kids: A miserable night where baby’s incessant cries kept you from getting any shuteye
Privacy Before kids: Alone time After kids: What is privacy again?
Vacation Before kids: A getaway to relax and recharge After kids: A trip where you pack a ton of stuff, struggle to deal with an overtired child and return home more exhausted than when you left
Family Before kids: Annoying in-laws and crazy cousins After kids: The thing that brings you the greatest joy in the world Published January 2018 Plus, more from The Bump: Funny Things Toddlers Say About Babies 5 Millenial Parenting Styles As Told Through GIFs The Most Surprising Things Kids Say
